Looking Back Part 10: The Day My Life Changed Forever

This is Part 10 of the Looking Back series, previous parts are Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, and Part 9.

Two year ago today, I began a journey which will last me a lifetime. A journey of heartbreak and hope, of sadness and joy, but most important - love. And intertwined in that journey is the amazing story of one very special little boy.

It had all started with a dream. A dream of something great which combined several things I love. That dream led to more dreaming and lots of planning. Which led to an amazing day and contact with new friends. Friends who asked a question that when answered yes brought me to the other side of the world where it really all started.

Through a series of events that no man could have orchestrated, God placed me in a country with poverty and and hopelessness like I had never seen before. It opened up my eyes to a whole new world. One morning (two years ago today) while visiting the baby orphanage I met the love of my life. I didn't know it then, but he was to change my life forever.

Though it sounds romantic, this was no cute teenage boy I fell in love with. Nope, far from it! He was just a a baby, almost 3 years old. And thanks to the ridiculous clothes he was wearing, I thought he was a she and didn't find out until afterwards that I was wrong!

That sweet little boy took my hand and led the way. I followed because he had already captured my heart and I'm pretty sure he had mesmerized me by that point! :) I led him over to some play equipment and didn't have kids swarming all over it. I could tell he needed some one on one attention and I was happy to give it! We played on the slide for quite awhile, both of us loving every second.

Unfortunately, he had me too far under his spell to think to take more than 4 pictures! My memory is clouded now, but I do remember that he wasn't happy to leave me when he had to go nor was I happy to leave him! I knew he needed (and still needs!!) his mommy to come get him ASAP! He was broken and aching from being alone, and yes, despite the fact he was two, I could tell his heart was ripped apart. I could hardly bear to see him go back to the life we both hated.

This is Sandy, one of my team members, not a nanny

I lost it on the way out of the orphanage and was in almost a trance the rest of the day. I'm fairly certain I horrible dreams about him and the others that night. Either way, I slept horribly. He needed someone, and since there was no one else, he needed me! And I had sent him back to his grouppa, alone.

I remember lying in bed that night just crying my heart out because he and so many others had to spend the night alone. And I had to leave them there. I know I wouldn't have gotten very far, but I regret at least trying to stay there with him a little longer. Despite my hopes, we didn't get to go back to the orphanage on during the rest of the trip.

Who would have thought that a half hour with a little boy I had never met before would change the course of my life forever? God did before the earth was even created. :)


Because my heart was opened up the the plight the orphan through him, I started this blog advocating for other orphans and families bringing them home.

As I sat here tonight writing this, my heart was broken yet again for "my" sweet boy. Because this post captures my time with him better than any post I have written before, all the tears it took to write this post are worth it.

I dream of the day he will know what it means to have a family, even though that is not possible right now. And for now, though I miss him immensely, and my heart is broken for him, I will continue to pray God will move mountains on his behalf to give him a family, and be thankful that he changed my life for the better.

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As you've probably figured out, sweet boy is my little Logan..

Today is also the 7 month anniversary of the day I found out that Logan no longer had a family, and then that he was not ever going to be adoptable. 

Interesting that I met him on Thursday, July 15, 2010, and I found the above out on Thursday, December 15, 2011. Those two days are exactly  17 months apart. Even the same day of the week! 

Coincidence? Nope. But for sure a God-incidence.

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Here are some more photos from the baby house. I went through and choose some, and turns out I choose 15 pictures! 15 must be my number! :)

Andriy, who also became unadoptable the same time as Logan

Liza and I

Brody lying there, with Ryan looking up at me

Marci and Ryan

Brooke and Evelyn - Evelyn is now home

Heading back inside